A lot of women think that all men are pigs. As a man who is not a pig, I find this offensive. I can't help it that I was born a man, but more than that, I enjoy being a man. There's a lot to be said for being a man: You can get dressed in ten minutes, pee standing up, and weddings are things that just happen. It seems that it's a lot easier to be a man, at least to me, and I don't envy women their bras and feminine hygiene products and pregnancy stories. I like being manly and doing manly things with other men. By the way, I don't mean Greco-Roman Wrestling; I just mean belching real loud and spitting and blowing things up. If I could choose to be a womnan, I wouldn't, and if there was a third or fourth option available to me, I would still be a man.

Having said all that, I should in fairness make note of the fact that most men are, in fact, pigs. They look at porno and go to strip clubs and call it a harmless diversion, and give no thought to how it affects them or the women in their lives. They think that there are things that they can do, like give a woman a ride home or buy her dinner, that entitle them to sex, regardless of how the woman involved feels about it. They don't listen and what's more they just don't care.

Life would be a lot simpler if things were really like this. I know they would for me, anyway: For instance, if doing good deeds entitled a man to sex, I would be a saint. I would have my picture done in stained glass and kids would learn about me in school and speak my name with the reverence they usually reserve for, say, Mother Theresa. And my wife of course would be exhausted. Unfortunately, things aren't this way, and we live in a world where it's necessary at times to consider how other people feel. Even people like women that we totally don't understand.

I know that not all men are pigs. I know this because I am a man and not a pig. I don't know many others like me, though. At least, when I was in high school and being stuffed into trash cans, I never saw any others down there at the bottom. Maybe they were just smart enough not to speak up. I don't know.

The thing is that men who are pigs like to make fun of men who are not pigs. They say we're "hen-pecked" (and another term that I won't repeat here). To me, though, those guys are the opposite extreme, the ones who have no say at all in what goes on. And I know a lot of hen-pecked guys who are also pigs. Anyway, the point is that non-pig-men can't really make fun of pig-men. I don't know why that is. Maybe they're just not funny.

I just think men should consider women and what they want, even if (like me) they completely don't understand it most of the time. And if a man really loves a woman, I think he won't be able to help but do just that. Even if it means he has to occasionally see a Julia Roberts movie. And the pig-men who don't do this, the ones who think that good deeds entitle them to sex and that porno is harmless, well, they just don't know what love is. That's what I think.