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I have a great idea. A really, really great idea. In fact, I've thought about it quite a bit...and, in short, it's a
crazy idea, but it just might work!
I want to start my own religion. Or should I say, my own philosophy, or movement, or whatever.
I want it to be something vague and undefined. When people hear something vague and undefined, they think it's deep and
meaningful. Because people are almost all idiots.
Say the basis for my religion is existence, or humanity. Those are both vague and undefined enough that anything I might
say about them would require no thought whatsoever. Unfortunately, though, both "Existentialism" and "Humanism" are already
taken.
So I think I'll call this "Beingism". That's vague, it requires no thought, and best of all, it requires no action. No
commitment. Nothing. All it requires of you is that you be.
I'll start by writing a book, and I'll call it The Art of Being. I'll use lots of big words that in the end
mean nothing. I'll use lots of catchphrases and create my own jargon so that people can feel superior to others.
Ok, let's get started.
The Art of Being
Chapter One
Faith In Our Own Being
To truly grasp what it means to be, we must first believe that we are. Without faith
in our own being, we are unable to accept, or even to discern, objective reality.
We cannot be passive about this. The first step to truly being is to accept that we are. The
alternative is to reject our own being, which is ultimately self-defeating, for the very act of rejection confirms our being.
It's important to note that our faith, while always remaining unwavering, does not affect
our being. It's more of a road sign, if you will, that points the way toward objective reality.
Chapter Two
The Basis of Our Being
Having established the importance of maintaining faith in our own being, it's vital that we now
establish the basis of our being.
Not one of us exists, nor can any of us perceive objective reality, without realization. In other
words, the fact that I am able to ask the question "Am I Real?" is evidence of my own being. It is, in fact, indisputable
evidence, and thus becomes the basis of our being.
I walk, I talk, I lie down. I do these things because I am real, because I exist in the physical.
In other words, I do these things, and more importantly, I realize that I do them, because I am.
Chapter Three
The Context of Our Being
Light exists in opposition to darkness. Good exists in opposition to evil. Likewise, the Real
(what is), exists in competition with the Unreal (what is not).
If it helps, you may think of it this way: Light exists. It is real, we can perceive it in the
context of objective reality. It is. Darkness is defined as the absence of light, and can only be perceived in its own context.
Thus, it is not.
So it is with our own being. We are, we exist, in an objective reality. And it follows that,
because I exist, something else does not exist. Because I occupy a space, there is something or someone else that may not
occupy that space.
Because I am real, something else is not real.
As we grow to accept this, so too will we grow to accept our being. It is only when we do this
that we can truly begin to exist.
Embrace your being!
Celebrate your being!
I am real! Say it, shout it from the rooftops! Even when I die, I will still have been at some
point. And even as my future (unreal) self begins to to grow, and displace my present (real) self, my future being thus becomes
real.
This is wonderful news! No one can take this from you!
Ok, notice a few things here:
- Jargon: I avoided using the word "existence" and instead used the word "being" whenever possible. This
is our jargon. Every movement has to have its own catchphrases and words they use in a patricular way to identify themselves.
It's why I kept using the term "objective reality". So let's say we call this movement Beingism, and you're totally
into it, and you buy all my books and come to all my lectures, and you walk around saying things like "The context of my being"
and "objective reality," then this becomes part of your identity. So, if you hear anyone else using these terms, or if anyone
else hears you, then you start hanging out, and other stupid folks start listening to you, and pretty soon the movement is
growing.
- You don't have to do anything, and you can feel good about yourself: Most folks don't want to have to
grow or change if it involves actually having to do something. This is the beauty of Beingism, that you don't have to believe
or do or change anything other than what you already believe or do. And you can feel really great about yourself, just because
you are.
- You've got to have a Devil: People, especially Americans, define themselves not just by what they're
for, but by what they're against. It's the same reasons politicians run negative ads, because they know that folks are just
as likely (or even more likely) to vote against someone as to vote for someone else. This is why I had to make the distinction
between the Real and the Unreal. So that we could be against the Unreal, and I could write and lecture on its dangers, and
if you all get really scared about it, maybe you'll send me more money so I can fight against it. I'll do that, of course,
by buying real cars and real houses.
I think this could catch on. More later.
Update!
The publisher sent this to me today, its a draft of the book jacket. I really like the design, but I don't know why they
had to mention my first book, which has sold a lot less than my first novel of The Claw!!! Anyway, I thought I would
post it here.
Praise for The Art of Being!!!
"Doolittle here captures the true essence of the struggle between the objective and the subjective, the real and unreal!
A page turner from start to finish, I was captivated by the way he seemed to spell everything out for me, answering all my
questions. I couldn't put it down!" - The New York Times
"If you've ever doubted whether or not you were real, this is the book for you!" - The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
"You are a total psycho!" - Random, nameless internet reader
From the Mailbag March 16
That was crazy, and even crazier is that you actually spent time writing that...crazier still is that I read the whole
thing and would like to start a chapter of your organization here... - My friend Drucilla
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