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OK so my therapist works with me on these things that she calls "scripts". How it works is, she just lets me talk and
talk and talk while she takes all these notes and, based on the things that I tell her, she comes up with a list of things
that I seem to be telling myself. And then we go through the list and we talk about them, like, are they positive or negative,
or are they true or not? Stuff like that.
One of the first thing she says is that I seem to be telling myself "Women will reject me". And then like she wants to
know, is it fair to say that this is something I believe? And then I would say yes or no, or whatever, and I guess in this
case it would be less something that I actually tell myself as it is just something that happens all the time.
It's really just a way of examining your belief systems and correcting any misperceptions. Or something like that. I
guess. The point is to always try to stay positive, and tell yourself good things to believe. I think it has more to do with
just generally keeping a positive attitude, than any kind of new-age freaky kharma thing where if you believe in good things
then good things will happen to you, because that's just stupid and not even true.
But anyway, not all of my scripts were negative. Like, I had one that said "I'm a pretty cool guy and if folks take the
time to get to know me, they usually like me." (and if they don't they can piss off!! but I added that last part
on myself). But that's something I can honestly say that I believe.
Like Natalie Portman. I know she's a movie star and she has her own life and everything, but she's so cool and talented
and smart, and you never hear of her dancing naked in Hollywood bars or making stupid teenage chainsaw flicks. She just seems
like an interesting person and really intelligent, and I sincerely believe that if she and I met and had the opportunity to
talk even for just a few minutes, that we'd hit it off.
I'm not saying she'd throw herself at me or anything, just that we'd get along. She's way too young for me. Plus she's
Jewish and I'm a Christian and that would take a lot of hashing out. It just wouldn't work out, and I think we'd both understand
that.
We'd fight too much. Plus she's probably all artsy and stuff and takes it all very seriously and she'd get mad at me
when I didn't. And it's not that I don't like artsy chicks, but I would hate all her artsy friends and stuff, coming over
all the time, and I'd wake up to George Lucas crashing on my couch and probably snoring really loud. And so we'd argue and
she'd be all hot-tempered and throw something at me, and the cops would show up and we'd wind up in People magazine
right next to an article about Paris Hilton's dog. And afterwards it would take me a long time to get over her and I would
never be able to watch her movies ever again. Not even that one she made when she was like 12 and she had to kill people,
but that would be just because of that ugly French guy.
I'm not real sure but I'm wondering now if this is what my therapist had in mind when she wanted me to tell myself positive
things.
I'll have to check.
Update April 15, 2005:
The movie I was talking about is called The Professional, and it was a pretty decent movie if I recall, although
I don't think I ever watched it all the way through. All I'm saying is that I could probably watch that movie, since Natalie
was only 12 when she made it, and I wouldn't be all freaking out and stuff like I would watching her in Closer or
Garden State, because I would be so depressed and all after our breakup and feeling like this giant doofus loser
while she went on to win Oscars and stuff and wind up dating, I don't know, that Leonard kid that everyone likes so much.
But what I was saying is that I couldn't watch that movie The Professional, because that ugly French guy creeps
me out.
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