4/16/06

JJD: it makes me feel good that I'm doing someone some good

Rosalie: ..then being a minister will help you, too, won't it?

JJD: I suppose, but then I am not really doing it so that I can feel better, that's just one of the side-effects

Rosalie: Oh, yeah, I know. pretty good side effect.. At least it doesn't cause intestinal problems, or possible blood clots or other things...

JJD: sexual side effects, mild to moderate headaches, bleeding gums, kidney problems, hair loss

Rosalie: bird's being attracted to you and .... letting their bowels go on your head. slug infestation

JJD: what if there was one that made you start liking Barry Manilow and the Partridge Family?

Rosalie: michael bolton, too

JJD: ew yeah.  Have I told you my theory about him?

Rosalie: no, i don't think so. If you have, I don't remember.

JJD: You know how there are certain female performers like Bette Midler and Cher that cross-dressers like to impersonate? I just think that if there were cross-dressing females who like to dress like males, they wouls all want to be Michael Bolton, Or Elton John…What do you think?

Rosalie: Yes, that sounds right...

JJD: I don't know why there aren't female cross-dressing performers

Rosalie: Maybe because it's more okay for women to wear more male-like clothing...or something like that...

JJD: hm…It still seems like there should be women who like to perform as Elton John or Michael Bolton, and get some weird thrill from it. You know how cross-dressers always say they like to "feel pretty"

Rosalie: yes

JJD: There is a guy at church who was waving people into parking spaces today

Rosalie: Yeah?

JJD: And he was just going down the line waving us all into the next available spot

Rosalie: oh yeah, people go to church on Easter... heh...

JJD: I wonder if we paid him for that? It was so unnecessary

Rosalie: that would be.

JJD: He had his 10 year old daughhter with him. Like it was bring your daughter to your pointless volunteer work day. It was actuially funny

4/19/06

JJD: Hey are you there??

Rosalie: hey

JJD: I was thinking about you just like 12 seconds ago

Rosalie: ESP!

JJD: I had the weirdest dream last night

Rosalie: What about?

JJD: Meredith Baxter (the mom on Family Ties) and my ex-pastor's wife were stalking me and they had this little four year old kid with them who had really sharp teeth

Rosalie: eek.

JJD: But some guys in a big white truck were stalking them, and in the end there was one of those big "Gotcha!" moments where they think they're about to win but then the big white truck guys pulled up and saved the day

Rosalie: heh

JJD: and the cannibal kid with sharp teeth started crying

JJD: It's ape city

Rosalie: apetastic.

JJD: I was wondering how did the apes make that city using all the big rocks?

Rosalie: They do have thumbs...or maybe Nessie helped them.

JJD: I know but why did they have to use such big rocks? They don't even have internal combustion engines

Rosalie: Maybe they want luxury houses.

JJD: It's not like they stacked up little rocks. It just doesn't make sense

Rosalie: (I wonder if it matters whether you use "houses" or "homes") Well, a city of apes doesn't quite make sense in the first place...

JJD: True. I suppose I can suspend my disbelief just that much, But no more. so what's going on with you?

Rosalie: Ahhh not much... Went shopping for some stuff today....bleck. read a little... not much, really. I woke up late and left shortly after.

JJD: ah

Rosalie: The price of clothing at St. Vincient's has gone up a lot.. Still better than it would be in a normal store, but wow...

JJD: you know what it is?

Rosalie: That they made virtually nothing before? No, what?

JJD: Catholic clothes junkies. They get you all hooked on their clothes. and little by little raise the prices

Rosalie: It's strange buying brand new clothing in normal stores now... Perhaps I am hooked.

JJD: Then you're all strung out …out on the street, trying to score a vest, or maybe even a sweater

4/30/06

Rosalie: Most people's feet are rather... repulsive. They're just so ugly.

JJD: true

Rosalie: Those ladies that go to foot parties to show off their feet generally have feet that are just fine... but otherwise...At least the nails aren't crusty, cracked and yellow…Do guys have a weird disdain for their feet like so many girls do?

JJD: I don't think so

Rosalie: Do you?

JJD: No…But generally guys don't think about their looks as much

Rosalie: That's true.

JJD: But....My feet are probably all disgusting by anyone's standards

Rosalie: Are they hobbit feet?

JJD: Yes

Rosalie: Hairy?

JJD: WOuld you like to see a picture?

Rosalie: heh, yes, I would.

JJD: I'll take a picture And email it to you

Rosalie: ..well, feet are what help you move around so they do serve a large purpose and their disgusting appearance can be excused... hmm... heh, ok.

JJD: By the time you get it you will have forgotten that you asked for it, ANd then think I am a perv…But then you probably think that already…so........Sure, I'll do it

Rosalie: lol.

5/09/06

JJD: I am designing logos for a fake band. What have you been doing?

Rosalie: Oh, cool... What kind of band is it?

JJD: Punk

Rosalie: Oh, did I tell you that Hunter S. Thompson appears twice on the cover of the 1000th anniversary issue of Rolling Stone? John Lennon is the only other person to be on there twice...

JJD: no thats cool. Do you know John Lennon said that Blondie was a genius?

Rosalie: Nope..

JJD: I thought of two names for a band: One is Clench…And one is Red Piggy

Rosalie: What about Fluffy Bunnies?

JJD: Thats kind of cool

JJD: So tell me what you've been thinking about?

Rosalie: The future of fried chicken.

JJD: what do you think the future holds for fried chicken?

Rosalie: I have no idea

JJD: There could be new ways to fry it

Rosalie: Like, hmmmm....

JJD: There could be a futuristic plasma fryer…Or a greaseless Air Fryer….Hey why don't people fry duck? Or swan, do people eat swans? What are swans for?

Rosalie: What's fois gras?

JJD: Duck liver I think

Rosalie: ah

JJD: foie gras n : a pate made from goose liver (marinated in cognac) and truffles [syn: pate de foie gras]

Rosalie: Swans are best when made of aluminum foil

JJD: What did you think of my idea for the plasma fryer?

Rosalie: Did you just think of that, or did I miss something?

JJD: I just thought of it when you said the future of fried chicken

Rosalie: Plasma fryer...Maybe they could use that as a coating for chicken? Fried plasma?

JJD: Well medically, plasma is blood, but in physics its the stuff that stars are made of. I was thinking of super heating the chicken for .002 seconds with plasma. It would be like the Jetsons, Maybe it could even have robot hands that come out of it

Rosalie: WHat kind of robot hands?

JJD: DId you ever see The Jetsons?

Rosalie: Well, yeah, but I barely remember it.

JJD: Everything had robot hands that came out and combed your hair or flipped your hamburgers or whatever

Rosalie: Hmmmmmmm…Maybe it could have a variety of hands for different tasks?

5/14/06

JJD: Hey are there moose in Wisconsin?

Rosalie: Not that I know of... Maybe way up north.

JJD: I wonder why people don't raise them like cows. In moose farms

Rosalie: They're freaking huge with huge horns. And they're wild.

JJD: But still

Rosalie: I'd like to see one.. but running into one could be rather scary.

JJD: How hard could they be to tame?

Rosalie: I do not know...

JJD: Whenever I meet a woman with a Russian accent, I ask her to say "Get moose and squirrel" and then laugh

Rosalie: lol, okay.

JJD: Some woman near me sent me a myspace message

Rosalie: What'd she have to say?

JJD: Just that she wants to add me as a friend

Rosalie: ah

JJD: Music I listen to mostly country, but I do like oldies, 80's and classic rock Movies I like comedies,dramas,romance Television I like ER, 7th Heaven, The Bachelor, Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, Extreme Makeover Home Edition Books I like anything by Danielle Steele and Dr.Phil Heroes My mom is my biggest hero because she is such a strong lady…Thats on her profile

Rosalie: 7th heaven... heh...

JJD: She likes Dr. Phil and reality TV

Rosalie: I wonder why.

JJD: Because every woman does. EVery woman over 30

Rosalie: My mother doesn't! And I love her for that. I should make a mother's day card that says that.

JJD: Thats a good one. I actually like Dr. Phil

Rosalie: Really? Why?

JJD: He's smart. This woman, where it says what country would you like to visit.....guess what she said?

Rosalie: What?

JJD: Europe. The country of Europe

Rosalie: actually, that made me laugh rather loudly. heh.....the country of europe...Maybe she's nice.

JJD: She may be. But she seems kind of....meh

Rosalie: yeah

JJD: Very ordinary, and she thinks a lot of herself

Rosalie: hmm..let's get a ray gun and destroy her sense of self.

JJD: You know the kind I mean?

Rosalie: Yeah, I know what you mean.

JJD: The kind who makes a lot of "whoo" sounds at male strippers, and talks about how crazy she is, And listens to that song "Redneck WOman" like its her anthem....

Rosalie: hmm... I've never heard that.. but I can imagine what it must be like...

JJD: Its a decent song if you don't pay attention to the words, But it gets old. It gets stuck in your head, and then you hate it

Rosalie: heh, I'm looking at the lyrics now.

JJD: The video is kind of clever, And the woman who sings it is hot

Rosalie: hmmmmm…"Victoria's Secret Well their stuff's real nice Oh but I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal*Mart shelf half price And still look sexy Just as sexy As those models on TV " no. Its funny... at Wal*Mart they sell slutwear around christmas and valentine's day... they're such a family store... and a lot of their underwear feels like you're wearing a raincoat downsouth. yech

JJD: Really?

Rosalie: Yeah, it's disturbing.

JJD: I'm kind of disturbed. Hey guess what?

Rosalie: What?

JJD: I replaced the bulbs in my bedroom with those swirly kind that last 15 years. Have you seen them?

Rosalie: maybe...I've heard of ones that are supposed to last an amazing amount of time.

JJD: Yeah they're cool

Rosalie: not sure if i know what you mean, though

JJD: It's actually kind of disconcerting, buying a lightbulb that will probably last longer than I will

Rosalie: You think you'll be dead before the lightbulb is?

JJD: Nah I'm just kidding. Although there are days when I wish I was dead

Rosalie: yeh…dying that way would be bad, though.

JJD: True…but it would be better than being eaten by ants, From the feet up

Rosalie: hmm....What about being sliced into tiny pieces by a butcher's knife, but you aren't yet dead when it's done so you can look down and scream? ...then you die. even though you're totally dismembered and couldn't be alive, much less scream...

JJD: hm

Rosalie: OH!  and then maybe you see some ants carrying off various pieces of you.

JJD: yeah that would suck. what about.............

Rosalie: you yell at them to give it back, and they just flick you off.

JJD: ok you know that ENglish guy who dresses up like a really ugly woman

Rosalie: dame something? dame edna?

JJD: yeah thats him…you get locked in a freezer with him and have to share your body heat with him. And then you die anyway, And thats how they find you

Rosalie: he's australian!

JJD: Really? Hey I know a dude from Wagga Wagga

Rosalie: when i read that name, i thought it was a made up place.

JJD: No its real

Rosalie: crazy aussies.

JJD: Bastards! Hey what if there were flying monkeys who lived in rainclouds? And they lived like 500 years? Wouldn't it be fascinating? I would get a jetpack and go live among them to study their culture.

Rosalie: That would be pretty cool. living in rainclouds...flying MONKEYS living in rainclouds.

JJD: And I would be their king! They would live to do my bidding

Rosalie: I wonder if they have a language. I mean, a special language different from normal monkeys

JJD: They do....they make a lot of whooop whooop sounds, and icky icky icky bliiiing

Rosalie: How come people never think of having monkeys talk with an irish accent?

JJD: I don't know thats' weird. There's a cartoon duck with a Scottish accent

Rosalie: hmm...but there are ducks in scotland...so it's not so out there...I mean, animals talking is... but...having a duck talk with a scottish accent...

JJD: But Scotland isn't known for ducks

Rosalie: but but but... they must be there!

JJD: There should be a cartoon where a duck marries a beaver and they have a kid whos a platypus

Rosalie: and the beaver is friends with two alcoholic irish monkeys.

JJD: good! and the Irish monkeys kill mobsters with impunity like the guys in Boondock Saints. Vigilante monkeys…Who fly and live in rainclouds

Rosalie: That sounds like a good plan.

JJD: You and me should play Monopoly

Rosalie: I'll evict you from all my boardwalk hotels and make you move to the checkers board! I'll win it all!

JJD: HEY! Yeah you probably would

Rosalie: i call the guy on the horse.

JJD: I suck at that game. I'll be anything but the hat

Rosalie: I haven't played it since middle school...Why do you hate the hat?

JJD: I'll be the lead pipe from Clue. Hey my ex wife believes that there was never any such thing as dinosaurs

Rosalie: you could go knock over the kids from candy land and steal their goods.......???? Are you serious?

JJD: Yes

Rosalie: What does she believe?

JJD: That fossils were buried by agnostic Jews in the 1920s lol no, she doesn't believe THAT....but she thinsk they're all fake

Rosalie: And she wants custody? wow.

JJD: Yeah she's a nut

Rosalie: I don't understand...how could they all be fake?

JJD: I don't know

Rosalie: why couldn't there be dinosaurs? That's....nonsense.

JJD: Some kind of global conspiracy In Africa there is a place where supposably this dinosaur lives, and people go there on safaris trying to find it

Rosalie: oh! that reminds me...

JJD: And there is a tribe of pygmies who supposably once ate one, and they all died

Rosalie: Dumb pygmies. When will they learn?

JJD: I read that once in a book. Wacky pygmies....OK what were you saying?

Rosalie: This website: "One of the most exciting things about this remarkable fossil is that it's almost indistinguishable from the semi-aquatic present-day Chinese crocodile lizard, Shinisaurus crocodilurus."

JJD: So how do they know that its not one of those?  and it was put there by agnostic Jews in the 1920s? Chinese agnostic Jews

Rosalie: those crazy chinese agnostic jew-satanists!

JJD: WHen will they learn?

Rosalie: *shakes head* That's why we'll have to go hide in badger's tunnels. they'll never learn... so we'll have to start a new breed of human. with badger friends.

JJD: Subhumans. Do badgers live underground?

Rosalie: we'll paint our faces with white and black stage make up ... then bitch when we get zits from it.. they spend a lot of time underground, yeah, especially in winter...

JJD: You must have lots of badgers in Wisconsin. : How do you know so much about badgers?

Rosalie: "if you want to see a badger, just comealong with me, by the bright shining light--by the light of the moon..."

JJD: YOu must have lived among them as the badger Queen

Rosalie: I don't know that much about them... but they are our state animal.

JJD: The badger state:State Motto.....Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!

Rosalie: what's that from? except... it doesn't have badgers in it.. heh...but yesterday, on somebody's profile, I saw "hero? I don't need no stinkin' hero!" god, i really don't make much sense sometimes.

JJD: It was from a Clint Eastwood movie, only they said badges, Not badgers

Rosalie: I see.

JJD: Kentucky state motto......16 million people, 12 last names…Nevada: Whores and Poker! Georgia: A stones' throw from Alabama….have you ever seen a badger?

Rosalie: only in a zoo.

JJD: Once I saw a beaver

Rosalie: Yeah?

JJD: Or something. Yeah behind the Unitarian Church. And then once Jorge and I were driving up to the mountains and we saw one on the side of the road, and then we were driving up again and we were telling the girl with us about the time we saw the beaver, and we drove right past the same spot and we saw it again. I guess beavers hang out there

Rosalie: you know, around here, for like three days... there was a goose in the same spot. it was alive.

JJD: Weird

Rosalie: but it was there... standing there..for three days.

JJD: I wonder if that's an omen

Rosalie: Everyone who passed it will die a terrible death.

JJD: It sounds like an omen. All of your babies will come out sideways

Rosalie: once, when I took my sister to school in the morning, what I think was a muskrat was waddling across the road.  but... it was right near the crosswalk.

JJD: Maybe it was waiting for the light to change

Rosalie: it was just waddling across... taking its time...and there were three of us--our car, and two other cars--sitting there staring at it. because it looked so freaking weird and it was right by the school.

JJD: Have you ever heard the song Muskrat Love?

Rosalie: nope.

JJD: You should listen to it

Rosalie: who is it by?

JJD: Captain and Tenille. Its 70s Cheese. Right towards the end of the song you can hear what sounds like Muskrats copulating

Rosalie: aw, that's lovely.

JJD: Very romantic. I tell ya back in the day, you wanted to get a girl in the mood.....that worked better than the B-side of Led Zeppelin IV. So what happened to the muskrat?

Rosalie: well, it went across... and then i drove up and dropped off my sister... but then when I came back around, it was gone. maybe it went down the storm drain.

JJD: There are these ducks in a lake nearby here, and they are always getting run over. Its kind of sad actually. I think they're killing themselves

Rosalie: why does duck suicide amuse me?

JJD: Because they're lives are so meaningless. They're all artists and poets and all they can see is the futility of life, So they fly into cars

Rosalie: ahh....dumb ducks.

JJD: when will they learn?

Rosalie: they won’t!

JJD: What if ducks were smart and lived in houses?  and reasoned with us?

Rosalie: What if they were friends with lawyers?

JJD: and they were all accountants?

Rosalie: what if they shot lasers out of their eyes?  accounts and shot lasers.

JJD: ooooo..good one! And they were friends with the monkeys who lived in rainclouds

Rosalie: oh yeah

JJD: O! And the monkeys were only six inches tall

Rosalie: oh! yeah!

JJD: That would be cool! And they would all do my bidding. And The accountant ducks would handle all my finances! Hey you know what else I was thinking about??? It would be cool if there was a supervillian called Swarm, and it was actually a swarm of gnats or something that flew in the shape of a man, who walked around and talked and stuff but you couldn't hit him or anything because all the bugs would fly away

JJD: I am going to take that as a validation of everything that I am, and treasure it forever

Rosalie: that would be a neat superhero.

5/17/06

JJD: Have you ever thought how empty your life would be without me in it?

Rosalie: I would be but a shell, hollow and empty of any life. My world would be grey and I'd be among the living dead.

JJD: Thats about what I thought. But with me in your life, colors are brighter, music is sweeter, the flavor of your chewing gum lasts longer

Rosalie: the chewing gum thing especially. you should make an ad for yourself with that in there. people would swarm.

JJD: I should.... "TRY ME...."

Rosalie: nobody likes it when their gum goes flavorless.

JJD: It sucks

Rosalie: yes.

JJD: I don't let my kids have gum. They get it all over everything

Rosalie: aw. when I was little, I fell asleep with it in my mouth...and it got in my hair, and I had really, really long hair.

JJD: aw that bites

Rosalie: *SNIP!*

JJD: I bet you were a cute kid

Rosalie: yes, it traumatized me for life. at one point I was.  and then I got really ugly. and would burn all those pictures if I could.

JJD: Not as cute as the little girl in me! Anyway, I doubt that you were ever ugly. You probably just feel ugly

Rosalie: No. I was.

JJD: Well, I have always thought you were very attractive

Rosalie: acne... big gap in my front teeth... fat... wore a lot that wasn't particularly complimenting...well, when I was younger I looked terrible...

JJD: I was always a doofus

Rosalie: it was fantastic.

JJD: In my whole life I've only ever taken one good picture. What was fantastic ?

Rosalie: being a doofus. or doofina if you're female...you mean that one where you have your hand by your ear?

JJD: Doofette. And Yes

Rosalie: doofette. that sounds better.

JJD: yeah that sounds right….You should also watch 21 Jump Street

Rosalie: oh, with johnny depp?

JJD: yes that show was really good

Rosalie: hmm... i meant to watch it, but forgot about it..

JJD: Well it was good and so was Hill Street Blues

Rosalie: haven't heard of that

JJD: wow you should get like the first season of Hill Street Blues, just like the first disc. You will be hooked. You'll be addicted. It’ll be in your blood, in your brain.....you'll be out on the street trying to score some more

Rosalie: i can't watch any more shows that I can't complete watching! it's too disappointing.. as long as all the seasons are available...

JJD: Well eventually all of HSB will be out on DVD, they just aren't now

Rosalie: oh

JJD: You like cop shows?

Rosalie: some, just depends...

JJD: This was a really good one

Rosalie: i'll keep that in mind

JJD: Have I ever told you to watch something and then you watched it and didn't like it?

Rosalie: hmmm…actually...I don't think so…Hm.

JJD: I remember when you first watched Arthur

Rosalie: I was just going to ask you about that today

JJD: what about it?

Rosalie: If you'd watched it recently or anything.. I don't know... but it popped in my mind and of course you did, too, since you and that movie go together.

JJD: Actually no but I was thinking about it

Rosalie: ESP!

JJD: Sure I bet when you're not online you don't even remember who I am

Rosalie: that would actually be kind of creepy if it were true

JJD: Why?

Rosalie: *shrug* I don't know

JJD: I have this theory that dogs don't remember you when you're not right in front of them, and nothing exists to them except what is directly in their line of sight

Rosalie: I wonder that…I think Toby remembers stuff, though

JJD: Well of course he remembers it when you're there

Rosalie: well, if we get into fights and stuff...he becomes hysterical

JJD: Are we talking about a dog?

5/20/06

JJD: hi

Rosalie: hi

JJD: whats up?

Rosalie: not much you?

JJD: I've been up for several hours, can't sleep. Gotta get ready for Indy's party soon

Rosalie: Indy's party?

JJD: Birthday party

Rosalie: How old is he now?

JJD: 7

Rosalie: He's getting to be an old man.

JJD: Yeah

Rosalie: He'll need a cane soon.

JJD: I'll need one soon

Rosalie: one like some super hero or villian or something.

JJD: I'll secretly have a sword hidden in it…Or maybe it'll shoot laser beams…There was an episode of Newsradio where Bill got a cane

Rosalie: Hmm....

JJD: It was very funny. did you ever see that show?

Rosalie: Yeah, but not many times

JJD: It was one of the funniest shows ever

Rosalie: Guess I'd have to see it

JJD: You should, it's out on DVD

Rosalie: hmm you can dress like a druid. and be a prophet.

JJD: If you and me were married or something, I would let you dress me up in any costume you wanted and take pictures for a website.  If that's not enticement enough, I don't know what is

Rosalie: ha

JJD: PLLLLEEEEASE love me! I'll let you dress me up like a pretty princess….. I'll be your perfect pretty princess

Rosalie: or bettie page… yes, bettie page's safari photoshoot.

JJD: oooooo baby

Rosalie: Yes, that's the ticket.

JJD: I'm yours

Rosalie: a leopard bikini like that shouldn't be hard to find.

JJD: I think that would make me look.......pretty

Rosalie: Very.

JJD: This conversation has started out on a strange note… But of course its not something we haven't covered before. Are there women who get turned on by guys dressed like women?   I wonder if there's guys who get turned on by women who are turned on by other guys who dress like women…And if they have magazines and chat clubs and stuff

Rosalie: most likely there are guys who get turned on by women who are turned on by other guys who dress like women.

JJD: so the Da Vinci Code…what do you know about it?

Rosalie: it's all religious-like...

JJD: It's the kind of book that interests me, but not enough that I want to invest any time in it

Rosalie: I don't really know the story, just that some people take it as fact when it's not--though I guess there is some fact... There something about Mary Magdalen, isn't there? ...The guy went to court because somebody said he stole his idea, etc.

JJD: Yeah I think so, it's like Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a baby? I don't see what's the big deal. It's not like its a big secret that the Roman Catholic Church was corrupt

Rosalie: yeah….Jesus would never be with a woman!  Mary Magdalene was a whore! Die Die! Don't you blashpheme in this chat!  Actually, I like the idea of Jesus and Mary Magdalene being together.

JJD: Well, you know back then, a Jewish man had certain responsibilities to his sons, and one was that he find them a wife…If Jesus hadn't been married.....when they were looking for stuff to accuse Him of, surely that would have come up. I don't know that He wasn't married and I don't know that it would change anything. So what? He was probably a good husband

Rosalie: Yeah....

JJD: But then He traveled a lot

Rosalie: You'd kinda think they'd want him to be married to show some kind of example, you know?

JJD: Yeah

Rosalie: Long distance relationships are tough.

JJD: He would have been singing all those "On The Road" songs…And I wonder what His kids would have been like. You know He had brothers and sisters, I'm sure that wasn't easy. You could never compete with Him

Rosalie: lol.

JJD: "Oh, yeah, Jesus!!!!!! He's perfect!!" But He would never get upset when they picked on Him. He would be like "I forgive you" And they'd be all.....crap.....

Rosalie: that would probably frustrate them more.

JJD: Catholics don't believe that Jesus had brothers and sisters because they believe that Mary (the Virgin one) was a virgin forever. To me, that says more about Joseph than it does about Mary

Rosalie: Why's that?

JJD: Because women can go forever without it, as I know from experience

Rosalie: heh..

JJD: I'm sure there were nights when Joseph was like "Come ooooon, hooooney...."  "He won't wake up! He never wakes up!"

Rosalie: heh…Poor Joseph.

JJD: Plus, you know, the angel appeared to Mary and asked her to have the baby, and then to Jospeh and told him to go to Egypt…He never once said "Oh, by the way....hands off"

Rosalie: You should write something about this for your website.

JJD: I think I will. Catholics hate sex

Rosalie: Well...In the old days, catholics had 20 kids per family, so they certainly must not hate it...

JJD: Religious people always have lots of kids. That’s because It's easier to grow them at home than to go out on the streets and convert them

Rosalie: heheheh

JJD: I mean you have to have new Catholics

Rosalie: kinda like chia pets... it's easier to grow one than adopt a real one.  much less of a hassle.

JJD: I was thinking like pot, how its easier to keep your own grow room than to score it on the street. You have to get new Catholics, and having sex is way more fun than preaching to people

Rosalie: heh..

JJD: And that Inquisition thing didn't go over really well......face is, that was a PR nightmare. So I don't get why Catholics don't like the Da Vinci Code

Rosalie: hmm... I didn't know they didn't like it. ....but it makes sense that they wouldn't. Duh.

JJD: Well it portrays them as all corrupt and keeping secrets…But if it was true that Mary Magdalene and Jesus were married and had kids, why did they make a whole religion about how they didn't, and why would it be such a huge secret?

Rosalie: That should go to unsolved mysteries.

JJD: I should make my own  The thing is...Do you base your faith on who Jesus was??? Or on what He taught? You know what I mean?

Rosalie: Yeah, I think so.'

JJD: If He was married, what would that change about His message?

Rosalie: That he was a carnal bastard and you should be, too? I don't know.

JJD: Well, I know how much I like sex. And I don't see anything dirty about it. Well, most the time I don't. But it's not bad and it wouldn't be bad if Jesus liked sex either

Rosalie: Just depends on which church you go to, I guess.  You're more open minded than a lot of christians, I think...

JJD: Well, I guess my focus is more on the here and now, and not on stuff that may or may not have happened 2000 years ago

Rosalie: yeah

JJD: I just happen to think that if the answers to all these questions were that important, someone would have mentioned them in all the writing that they did about Jesus, someone would have said "He was 30, single and neat"

Rosalie: heh...

JJD: I don't even think it matters, and I think the whole debate is stupid

Rosalie: Yeah, me too.

JJD: I know these Seventh Day Adventists who want to argue with me about what day the Sabbath is. They say its Saturday and not Sunday and they actually want to fight about it

Rosalie: poor babies.

JJD: To me that's like wanting to argue about which way to unroll the toilet paper

Rosalie: heh...

JJD: You know......

Rosalie: Hm?

JJD: JESUS unrolled His toilet paper over the top!  That's in THE BIBLE!!! So if you don't like it, don't argue with me…Argue with the Bible! God said it!

6/04/06

Rosalie: What day is your birthday? the 10th?

JJD: Yes

Rosalie: ah ok

JJD: I'll be 40

Rosalie: for some reason i was thinking you already were.

JJD: Weird, But no

Rosalie: you're like good alcohol.

JJD: Like good alcohol....too much will kill you

Rosalie: "I'm not old! I'm just like good alcohol, biatch!"

JJD: Like good alcohol, you keep wanting more even when you're not even enjoying it anymore

Rosalie: aw

JJD: AND......you have to join a support group afterwards

Rosalie: heh

JJD: DO you know I have never had a birthday party?

Rosalie: What?!

JJD: No, I never have

Rosalie: ever?

JJD: Nope

Rosalie: not as a kid? not when you're older? never?

JJD: Nope…No one ever had one for me, and it seemed tacky to throw one for myself

Rosalie: that's weird that you're parents never did

JJD: Well they had so many kids…Besides my dad usually forgot my birthday

Rosalie: man.

JJD: It's no big deal. I don't think I would like one anyway, but it would kind of be nice if someone cared enough to have one for me. Like how my friend has these women who do that when he has a birthday, even though he doesn't like them, they do it every year….or maybe I'm just jealous. BUT if I did have women I didn't like who did crap like that for me, I would be really annoyed. So karma can't win with me

Rosalie: that's really weird that you haven't had one.

JJD: I guess

Rosalie: people at work never did anything?

JJD: No, well, one year a woman I worked with made me a cake. She was really nice

Rosalie: that would be nice.

JJD: I'm not worried about it really

Rosalie: ok.

JJD: I don't even know enough people to come to a party for me

Rosalie: aw.

JJD: It's not so bad. People annoy me anyway. Did you ever watch The 4400?

Rosalie: i have no idea what it is.

JJD: Its a show on the USA Network

Rosalie: ah... ok, then.

JJD: Its just that the little girl on there who sees the future is really creepy. She talks like a grown up…I mean she's like 10 or 11. I guess she's cute, but if she was my kid I would never be able to sleep. I would always feel like she was going to eat my brain if I went to sleep. And it 's not because of the show, it's just because that's what she looks like

Rosalie: A brain eater?

JJD: You know the kind I mean…Did you ever see commercials for that movie The Grudge? where the creepy little kid is screaming?

Rosalie: no... i don't think i did. or don't remmeber

JJD: Well, Thats what she looks like. And you know what's sad is, she's probably going to be really pretty when she gets older, and like be in all these Teen Scene magazines. Like Lindsay Lohan. And she'll date some pretty-boy Hollywood teen star…

Rosalie: And eat his brain

JJD: If I win the lottery I will buy you all the books you want

Rosalie: what would be your perfect house? like if you were rich and didn't care about being thrifty

JJD: I don't know, I don't really dream about houses. Just a big yard and lots of kids, Barbecues and a woman who loves me

Rosalie: that's a good one.

6/05/06

JJD: What do you think would be the worst natural disaster ever?

Rosalie: if all of them happened at once, everywhere... hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados…i don't know about a single one

JJD: I think it would be a giant tornado that had lightning coming out of it, that smelled like raw sewage, and everywhere it went it made beer go bad and rutabagaes would grow And rained jellyfish….and cows

Rosalie: jellyfish raining down.... neat, but horrible... but neat

JJD: that would be the worst

Rosalie: yikes

JJD: did you ever see 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

Rosalie: nope…why?

JJD: Theres a scene with a giant squid that's very famous…I was thinking what if it was a giant cow

6/05/06

Rosalie: what's your favorite color?\

JJD: Blue I think, Depending…But I also like black

Rosalie: imagine if you painted your bedroom black. dear lord.

JJD: What?

Rosalie: it'd be like being in a tiny jail cell... isolation.

JJD: Would that be bad?

Rosalie: especially if you had black shades. well... for me, yeah

JJD: What if I painted it black with little pretty flowers

Rosalie: i guess that would make it superfantasticawesome

JJD: Well I want you to like me, Though I'm not clear why….so I won't paint my room black. God I'm almost 40…Does my life suck?

Rosalie: yes, painting your room black would make me hate and despise you.....you know, that really would suck ass... being your age, and being so unsatisfied.

JJD: I am going to tailor all my personal decisions to please you from now on

Rosalie: maybe when you're 60 and up, you'll be better.  Good boy.

JJD: I'm not unsatisfied, I'm just kidding

Rosalie: oh

JJD: I have reached this kind of zen place where everything is ok

Rosalie: ommm.... omm padme omne hum

6/13/06

JJD: I wrote some jokes for the guy at the radio, wanna see?

Rosalie: sure

JJD: People are criticizing the US military because terrorists in their custody kill themselves. Because, before being taken prisoner, terrorists are generally happy with their lives and their prospects for the future.

Wendy’s still sells biggie size drinks and fries, only calling them “medium size”. They’ll be serving the same customers, only they’ll call them “svelte”.

A judge orders a psyche evaluation for Alec Baldwin. First witness, “Bill Brasky” claims that Mr. Baldwin once taught his parrot to sing the entire B-Side of Led Zeppelin IV

Paris Hilton backed her SUV into a car. She’s being charged with “driving while skanky.”

An Asian elephant has died at the Los Angeles Zoo, where critics have charged the animals are kept in unhealthy conditions. The elephant was also denied access to a Koran, and wasn’t allowed to observe her daily prayer time.

Warren Jeffs, a notorious bigamist and child molestor, is spotted near AZ state line. How does it work that a man with 38 wives has any male followers at all? Does it not occur to him that there are going to be at least 37 sexually-frustrated men in his home state who hate his guts?

Rosalie: I like the Bill Brasky one.

JJD: Did you get that one? I was afraid it was too obscure. But then I saw that "Bill Brasky" has his own Wikipedia entry

Rosalie: yeah

JJD: I just wasn't sure. Hey, you know what's weird? When I type I hardly ever look at the keyboard, but when I type in the dark I have a really hard time

Rosalie: that is weird. i wonder why

JJD: It's like the opposite of a super-power. Did you ever wonder why in the comics when someone gets super powers, they're always heroes or villians? No one ever gets super powers and just goes back to their regular jobs, or uses them to get laid or wins bets in bars

Rosalie: heh, yeah. . . in shows, though, it tends to deal with the more normal people. like the outer limits...comics, though, yeah, you're right

JJD: Yeah that's true

Rosalie: it's odd... i guess it's just more entertaining. well... for comics

JJD: And why is it when they get super powers, the very FIRST thing that occurs to them is to wear tights and fight crime? Especailly when it never seemed to occur to them before. I wonder if someone could do a psychological profile of the superhero

Rosalie: they should

JJD: Maybe they're like those guys who like to date screwed up women so they can "save" them

Rosalie: that could be

JJD: That's all Superman ever did for Lois Lane, of course, in an oddly literal sense

Rosalie: hmm...

JJD: But I have this theory that it's the same reason women date "bad boys"…My friend Julie always used to do that, she liked "bad boys" because she thought she could get them to change. Which seemed so weird to me, to like someone so that you could get them to change the way they are? The way they are, when you already LIKE them? You're so hot....you're so awesome....now stop it

Rosalie: maybe it makes them feel useful

JJD: But once they "fix" a guy, they dump him and move on to the next one, And the guy gets bitter and goes back to being bad, ANd then stalks her, And she's the victim, which never seemed right….Not that its right to stalk someone….Am I boring you?

Rosalie: no, you're not boring me. you know, like, i was in history class and, like, we were talkin about nazis and stuff and... like... hitler sucks. like, he totally sucks. what a jerk!

JJD: why didn't those jews just walk out of those ghettos? I would have just been all, hey hitler, kiss my Jewish ass!

Rosalie: well, like, those mean nazis wouldn't let them which is, like, totally mean. it reminds me of amy's dad. he's like TOTALLY controlling. he makes her call him when she goes out for even, like, two hours! what a jerk. and like, amy told me that one day, like, her dad was talking to her boyfriend, and like, he tried to intimidate him. what a jerk! just like hitler! they should get married. amy's dad and hitler

JJD: Totally! You know Hitler died of syphillus and he only had one nut, and his mom made him wear a dress til he was 10

Rosalie: heh.... "in history we learned that hitler only had one nut. was it removed? Perhaps it was... never there!" i'm horribly misquoting rasputina.

JJD: ah….I just tell people that about Hitler. I think he really had two

Rosalie: maybe snopes.com knows.

JJD: But they say he was impotent, though I'm not sure how anyone came by that information

Rosalie: yeah... that's questionable…imagine being a son of Hitler. man.

JJD: No one would ever like you. Imagine if your name was Hitler

Rosalie: first name.. Hitler…hitler khan

JJD: Hitler Jones….What if you were a politician and you found out you were related to Hitler?

Rosalie: ahhh, you'd have to be a hot dog vendor instead…..but then.. if people knew...they wouldn't buy your hot dogs.

JJD: What if it came out that one of the Dixie Chicks was related to Hitler? I would laugh

Rosalie: heheheh

JJD: You know what I read once

Rosalie: what?

JJD: You know how like you'll meet someone and it turns out that they know someone you know? Or, say, you're friends with me, and you and I know one person each, and those two people know each other? And everyone thinks it's so weird, but I was reading that there's actually pretty good odds that this happens all the time

Rosalie: well, yeah, but what about people from different states? Like if you pick out a random dude on the street, the odds that he knows someone who knows a friend of yours....is like one in 3

JJD: Well I don't know, I just read it somewhere. I was just using us as an example. I don't know if it works with specific people. It's a Kevin Bacon thing

Rosalie: can you link to kevin bacon?

JJD: well, I went to HS with a girl whose sister was on Baywatch, And a friend of mine from HS worked on the show Buffy…So probably

Rosalie: i see you could

JJD: I'm trying to think…From Baywatch to Law & Order (Angie Harmon), that's got to get me somewhere close to Kevin Bacon. Did Kevin Bacon ever do a movie with Julia Roberts? Or Sandra Bullock?

Rosalie: probably

JJD: Because Sandra Bullock did a movie with the Latino guy from L&O, who was on L&O with ANgie Harmon, who was on Baywatch….You can connect to Kevin Bacon too

Rosalie: yeah? because i know you?

JJD: yeah

Rosalie: well... i think i have another way

JJD: thats the way I know of

Rosalie: well, my mom says she went to school with one of chris farley's brothers, and chris farley was probably on the late show with david lettermen and kevin bacon must have been on that at some point, but i think my mom must be mistaken or something...

JJD: I knew a kid in grade school whose mom went to HS with Elvis

Rosalie: heh

JJD: I never thought Chris Farley was all that funny

Rosalie: yeah, i think perhaps you either like him or don't

6/26/06

JJD: I finished Buffy and Angel

Rosalie: ah cool

JJD: Yeah it was cool but I thought the way Angel ended sucked…Hey why is it on that show, when you became a vampire you automatically knew karate?

Rosalie: that's a good question. it's like in other movies and shows, too... suddenly you can knock down anybody with the most complicated moves

JJD: yeah like Spider Man. And since when are spiders all acrobatic? I mean Batman trained himself to do what he does, It took years but he did it. Spider-Man gets bit by a Spider and all of a sudden he’s a blackbelt and a flying wallenda

7/8/06

JJD: When I was a kid we used to fill baloons with instant pudding

Rosalie: i am curious as to how that'd feel, i must admit

JJD: It was all sticky

Rosalie: in a movie i liked when i was little, this girl said filling balloons with pudding was much better than using tissue or filling balloons with water....

JJD: It is

Rosalie: for stuffing your shirt

JJD: oo well we threw them at people

Rosalie: well, flat chested girls that want boobs.

JJD: I think with all the hormones that they give cows now, there aren't a lot of flat-chested girls anymore

Rosalie: for a while, me and some friends got in a phase of putting flour in tissues, and making it into a tight little ball--tying it off.... then you'd throw it and somebody, and it'd hit them and puff all over

JJD: That sounds cool

Rosalie: i must have had too much cow milk or something. i do believe i popped out and was born with these silly things.

JJD: I like boobs

Rosalie: it's like when dogs or cats or whatever have to grow into their ears--i had to grow into my boobs

JJD: I think about boobs all the time

Rosalie: Ahhhh... hmm.

JJD : And its not like I think about boobs and then think about other things, it's like somewhere in my head I am always thinking BOOBS!

Rosalie: my stupid... i think i need to go up yet another size

JJD: Like one of those windows programs that's always running in the background

Rosalie: it's like... if your head was a computer screen, there-----yes!

JJD: Even if I'm doing something simple like balancing my checkbook, I am constantly thinking of ways that it relates to boobs

Rosalie: like, if you had a shelf rack, you could balance the checkbook on your rack….not *you* ...but general female you

JJD: Like somewhere there might be a big-chested woman who is attracted to guys who balance their checkbook, or if I had enough money I would be more attractive to women with big boobs

Rosalie: if you had enough money, you could have a castle with a ton of boobs all over the walls and stuff

JJD: It would be Boob Central

Rosalie: you could name your castle that, though if you had them outside, on one of your turretts (sp?)--if they covered that, from a distance it'd look like warts.

JJD: true

Rosalie: and that's not nice.

JJD: Yeah and kind of gross

8/18/2006

JJD: Maybe I should take up kung fu

Rosalie: yes! and tai chi.

JJD: Then I can be a super secret agent

Rosalie: i got a video of tai chi out once... it was stupid…."tighten your spinchter" (or however it's spelled)

JJD: Adventure Man! And you can be Danger Girl, my trusted companion!

Rosalie: Sweet!

JJD: WHOOO!

Rosalie: heheheh

JJD: Did you ever see the Karate Kid movies?

Rosalie: *pumps arms up and down in air, and runs in place*  Yeah, i liked 'em when i was a kid

JJD: I was just thinking, if he was such a good guy, why did people always want to kick his ass?  Wouldn't you start to wonder after the third guy came after you?

Rosalie: because he was so good and people wanted to tear him down maybe....???

JJD: maybe….hey you know what would be cool?

Rosalie: what?

JJD: If they made a Karate Kid movie now where Daniel-San had to teach karate to another kid

Rosalie: was he the karate kid? they should.

JJD: yeah…and it could be an oriental kid. or no, a black kid. A real smart black kid who wins a spelling bee. that would be awesome

Rosalie: a whole gang of prodigies (sp?)

JJD: yeah

Rosalie: like, a kid with polio, too

JJD: yeah. and a kid with glasses who liked to read books all the time

Rosalie: and one who is terribly allergic to bees

JJD: And a muppet

Rosalie: yes!

JJD: WHOOO!

Rosalie: sweet!. we should make it.

JJD: And a girl!

Rosalie: a girl! yeah! a fluffy bunny, too

JJD: An angry girl who doesn't want to be there

Rosalie: no bitch wild rabbits, tho

JJD: Yes! A bunny! A cuddly bunny named Fluff

Rosalie: the angry girl... yes... that will provide conflict to be resolved

JJD: Conflict! The bad guys can be demons. Kung Fu demons

Rosalie: yes!

JJD: And they can solve crimes

Rosalie: with cue cards working as subtitles that they carry around with them because they don't speak english

JJD: ooo yeah

Rosalie: i mean, big boards with what they're saying in english

JJD: well the Japanese kid doesn't speak English,  But that's for comic relief. And so everyone thinks he's dumb but when the chips are down, it turns out the JAPANESE kid knows karate BETTER than the rest of them! And they all bug their eyes out in astonishment…And the "cool" kid in the leather jacket says "Where'd you learn that?" And he says something funny like....CHUCK NORRIS!!! HA HA HA HA HA!

Rosalie: we totally need to make this movie, totally.

JJD: "I watch Chuck Norris! He velly velly good!" The Kung Fu Kids!

Rosalie: there should be some dinosaurs in there, though. everybody likes a good dinosaur. look at jurassic park.

JJD: Well, ok, one of the kids really likes dinosaurs, a really really really lot, and the bad guys scheme is to clone dinosaurs to take over the world, But the kid who likes dinosaurs figures out how to talk to them and turn them against the bad guys

Rosalie: is this still a karate movie?

JJD: Yes! But it's much much more!

Rosalie: sweet! i was worried for a second…man, people are gonna LOVE this

JJD: It's Karate AND dinosaurs

Rosalie: oh, and a robot and zombie, since the kewl kids like those now….a zombie robot….two birds... one stone...

JJD: well the bad guys are zombies who want to clone dinosaurs and the kid in the wheelchair builds a robot friend to help them. A robot friend named Peter, And the robot is always quoting the Bible…….This is to appeal to the Christians

Rosalie: my face hurts

JJD: why?

Rosalie: pain... laughhing... painnn

JJD: But I really have to go now