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I think if all the eating utensils in the world got together to elect a President, it would be the spork. It's a
spoon, it's a fork, you never know what's going on with it. It's crazy.
I love sporks so much, I even just love saying the word spork. It doesn't sound like what it is, which is King of
The Eating Utensils: It sounds like something Swedish.
The top of the spork is the fork part and the bottom is the spook part, which is not only totally awesome, but also it's
about the only way I can see a fork-spoon hybrid looking. If you reversed it, you wind up with just a slotted spoon.
Quotes
"I came here to offer a way to make peace with our Republican friends on this heated school lunch
issue. Al Gore and I have discovered a reinventing government way, Mr. Armey, to get around this terrible rhetoric we've been
flinging at you on school lunches. We have a way to save money through streamlining that does not require us to deprive our
children of food. Instead of cutting food, we're going to cut the cutlery. And here's how—with a spork. Now, you know,
I don't know how many of you know this, I've been eating off these things for years. I never knew they were called sporks.
But that's what they are. This is the symbol of my administration. This is a cross between a spoon and a fork. No more false
choice between the left utensil and the right utensil. This is not an ideological choice. This is a choice in the middle and
a choice for the future. This is a big, new idea—the spork."
* President Bill Clinton at the March 1995 Radio-TV Correspondents dinner.
Ironic, I think, that Bill Clinton would use a spork as a symbol of his administration. The spork tries to be a spoon
and a fork and winds up being pretty useless as either. It's still really cool, though. Kind of like Clinton.
I don't know why, but sporks are most commonly only made in plastic. It seems like I remember my mom having a serving
spoon when I was little that looked something like a spork, though I'm not sure what we used it for.
In doing research on sporks, I've found that prisons use sporks because they're difficult to make into weaons. I'm not
sure how true that is, but I'm positive that it would rank right up there on the list of Most Embarrassing Ways To Die, sporked
to death in a prison yard.
I've also found that there is such a thing as a knifetula, a half-knife, half-spatula. It's no wonder when you put all your cutlery in one drawer that they'd wind up going at it like
that.
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