Topic: Enthusiasm
Another Conversation With A Guy From Work:
ME: "Man, I love Chik Fil-A"
NEW GUY: "Yeah, it's....chicken and a pickle, it's really really good."
ME: "It's everything you ever wanted...on a bun!"
NEW GUY: "Have you ever written commercials for the stuff that you like?"
ME: "Why do you ask that?"
NEW GUY: "Do you think Chik Fil-A should get a Nobel Prize for chicken?"
ME: "Actually, I don't think there is a Nobel Prize for chicken. And if you go around handing out Nobel Prizes for everything, they lose all meaning."
Topic: Enthusiasm
A conversation with a guy at work:
ME: "I love Twix."
NEW GUY: "Yeah...they're really good..."
ME: "It's a cookie, it's candy, you never know what's going on with it. It's like a party in my mouth. I think whoever invented Twix should get the Nobel Prize for candy."
NEW GUY: "I don't think that there actually is a Nobel Prize for Candy..."
ME: "Well, they should invent one just for this guy."
I think Marie Osmond still looks hot. In those commercials where she lost all the weight, I mean.
I think she has like 18 kids, though, and that kind of makes her less hot. Plus all her brothers are severely dorky, even Donny, who is dorky despite the fact that he's friends with Peter Gabriel.
About 10 years ago, Donny and Marie had a daytime talk show and once they had Stevie Wonder on. He sang "Overjoyed" and Donny started crying. And not just crying, but sobbing. And Marie leaned over and put her arm around him and whispered something to him and I was like, "Dude, that's your sister."
Topic: Common Expressions
They say there's no such thing as a free lunch.
I don't know why they specifically say a free lunch, when really they should just say that there's no such thing as a free anything. And then just for emphasis they should add "bitch" at the end.
Even though there is no free lunch, there is a free breakfast, if you stay at one of those limited service hotels, but even then it's only free if you get a room.
Now Playing: Law & Order
Topic: Commercials
When I was a kid, there was a series of commercials about an Irish dude talking about how much he loved Irish Spring, and then whatever woman he was sitting next to would say "It's manly, yes, but I like it too!" And there was another series of commercials about how Secret deodorant is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
It didn't seem fair that women got to use Irish Spring, but men didn't get to use Secret. It seemed like all the women's rights movement made men's stuff accessible to women, but there wasn't a men's movement making women's stuff accessible to them.
In fairness, though, when I say "men's stuff" I mean "pretty much everything".
On the other hand, while I know a lot of women who look good in jeans, I hardly know any dudes who wear skirts. Or want to.
Now Playing: Melt WIth You
Topic: Batman
I was thinking about Batman and how he doesn't have any super-powers but he still beats the crap out of everyone, even super-strong villians with electrical powers who can fly and look like giant bugs. I once read where he beat the crap out of Superman, which is impressive even though he wore a suit of armor and had help from Green Arrow and a big chunk of kryptonite.
Batman knows so much stuff that if he ever went on Jeopardy, he would just never lose. It would just go on forever and ever, and even Alex Trebek would get bored. I wonder if they would let him on the show with his mask and everything? It would be interesting, especially on the part of the show where Alex had to schmooze the contestants.
"So, Batman, do you ever take that mask off?"
"Only when I have to."
"Oh? Ha-ha! And when would that be?"
"I need sleep. But justice never sleeps. I am the night, I am the fear of dead things, of damned things, crushing the bones of injustice as it..."
"OH, kay! Betty, you're first in this round of Double Jeopardy!"
And then I was thinking that King Kong could probably beat Batman. And wouldn't it be awesome if Batman had to fight King Kong on the Planet of the Apes?
I wonder what the talking apes would think about Kong? One one hand, to them, a wild ape would seem like a retarded second grader to them; on the other hand, it seems like Kong is big enough to eat the talking apes by the handful.
So I don't think the apes would be on Kong's side, but obviously they wouldn't be on Batman's side, either. Maybe they would throw Kong and Batman into a death-match colliseum. Or maybe it would wind up a three-way death-match between Batman, Kong, and an army of talking gorillas with rifles. That would be awesome.
And now that I'm thinking about, I bet Batman would still win.
Now Playing: The Waltons on DVR
Topic: Death
I wonder why the events of 9/11 seem to have caused so many people to be afraid of flying, and yet no one seems to have developed a fear of tall buildings. So, when someone tells me that they have a fear of flying, and use the events of 9/11 to justify their fear, I like to point this out.
Now I work on the 26th floor of a building and sometimes I think about it, especially since I ride an elevator that goes from the first floor to the twentieth. SOmetimes I wonder out loud what would happen if the elevator got stuck between 1 and 20, just to freak out everyone else on the elevator. It usually does.
I've never worked on the 26th floor of anything before, and it's nice being able to check on traffic just by looking out the window. Like most places, executives all seem to work on the top floors. I don't know why that is. People seem to think it's some type of status symbol, and I guess it is, unless the building is on fire or something. Then it just means you're the first one to die.
Now Playing: Ride Like The Wind - Christopher Cross
Topic: Songs
Why did Christopher Cross have to ride like the wind, and where was he going, and what was he riding?
I know he had to get to Mexico, or at least the border of Mexico, which would seem to indicate drugs. And while I suppose it's possib;e that Christopher Cross began his career as a drug-runner, still, it seems like he would have to be running out of Mexico with drugs. Unless he was the dumbest drug runner in history, and ran drugs from his own grow room in the US back into Mexico. And then write a song about what a dumbass he was.
He could have been a criminal trying to flee the country, but that's also hard to imagine, given how mellow and innocuous the rest of his music was. I can imagine Christopher Cross shoplifting or embezzling from the country where he works, but not spree-killing senior citizens or kidnapping for profit. Those are the kind of crimes I imagine people fleeing to Mexico for, and folks who do stuff like that sing about flirtin' with disaster or burnin' down the house, not sunsets and sailing and how much I love my dead girlfriend Laura.
Another possibility is that the song wasn't about Christopher Cross at all, but Michael McDonald, who co-wrote and sang back-up on the song. Michael McDonald has had a long and prolific career in music and has collaborated with some of the biggest names in the industry. But by all accounts, he was kind of a douche. He was temperamental and hard to work with, even while respecting his talent, no one liked him personally. So maybe the guys in Steely Dan were trying to kill him and he had to hide in Mexico.
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