Stupid Questions I Have Actually Been Asked

From the Mailbag:

I worked at a pet store for 4 yrs. and got some really dumb questions

"What kind of dog will it be when it grows up?"

"Do you sell live fish?"

I put a little bird in a little box and punched out the little holes, then I just slowly turned the box over so it was right-side-up and I was asked "So is the bird right side up?" and they asked like they were in a panic about it...!!!

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Well, the lobby of the hotel has big double doors that open out to the street, and the desk faces outside. On the desk there is a weather forecast that we get every day, and during a teacher's convention one of them came up to me, looked at the forecast, and said "Does this mean that it's raining right now?"

Well, a weather forecast doesn't mean that, but wouldn't it be easier to turn your head 6 degrees and look out the window?

GUEST: You know that 24 hour diner around the corner?

ME: Yes...?

GUEST: Do you think they're still open now?

GUEST: I have a few questions about your restaurant.

ME: Ok.

GUEST: What time does it open?

ME: 6:30 am

GUEST: And is that where breakfast is served?

GUEST: How far are you from the Stadium?

ME: We're two blocks from there.

GUEST: I mean the stadium by the Raddisson hotel, right?

ME: Yes, sir, two blocks away.

GUEST: So you're pretty close to the Raddisson then?

GUEST: Where is the Days Inn?
ME: Turn left and go down three blocks.
GUEST: Three blocks up or down?
ME: Just turn LEFT and go THREE blocks.
GUEST: Three blocks DEEP?
ME: I don't know what that means (are you driving a helicopter or digging underground?)

GUEST: Do you have any rooms for Friday?

ME: No, I'm sorry, I don't.

GUEST: How about Saturday?

ME: No, I'm sold out, sorry.

GUEST: So you're pretty much booked up for the whole weekend then?

GUEST: Do you have any rooms for [insert date]?
ME: No, I'm sold out for that date.

GUEST: Do you know of any hotels that might have rooms?
ME: Not in this area, I don't know of one, I'm sorry.

GUEST: Any hotels that you don't know of that might have rooms?

GUEST: Do you have snack machines?
ME: Yes ma'am, on the third floor

GUEST: So I just go to the third floor?

(((Yes go to the third floor and there will be people there just throwing snacks at you)))

(at 12:00 am)

GUEST: Can I make a reservation?

ME: My system is down right now, but you can call back during regular business hours, or you could call 1-800-HOLIDAY, they're open 24 hours.

GUEST: That's 1, 800, H-O-L-I-D-A-Y?

ME: Yes, sir.

GUEST: And that's an 800 number?

ME: Are you parking a car with us?
GUEST: Yeah, should I just park it outside?

((This was asked by a guy calling for reservations))
GUEST: Is there anything else I need to know? How much for parking?
ME: Parking is $15 per night
GUEST: Is that regardless of whether you have a car or not?

Guest: How do I get to the Arena?
Me: Take a right out of the driveway, and....
Guest: Hold on! I'm not from around here!
(((You dont know your left from your right? Where are you from?)))

This one was asked by a Medical Doctor!
Guest: How do I get to the arena?
Me: Go right when you walk out the door and...
Guest: What do you mean by "right"?

Me: Parking is available in the lot right across the street.
Guest: How do I get there?
(((Do you see the lot across the street? Can you drive in a straight line?)))

It took me 30 minutes to get here from the airport! How long will it take me to get back?

Guest: Where is your hotel located?
Me: We're in the Downtown area right next to the park.
Guest: Are you on the right side or the left side of the park?

If I fax something to you, will it go through?

Guest: Do you have any rooms available?
Me: No, I'm sorry we don't.
Guest: None at all?

Guest: How do I get to the convention center from here?
Me: Take a right out of the driveway, go through the park....
Guest: Wait a minute! Which park is that?
(((Just go through the only park you'll see there)))

Me: Holiday Inn, may I help you?
Guest: How far away are you?
Me: How far from what, sir?
Guest (angrily): How far from me?

Guest: Does your hotel have a continental breakfast?
Me: No, sir. We have a restaurant with a full breakfast buffet.
Guest: And does the buffet have, like, food on it?

When the airport shuttle gets here, do I go outside and get in it?
(((Do you want the shuttle to take you somewhere?)))

Guest: Can you have someone look at my phone?
Me: What's the problem with your phone?
Guest: I keep calling this one number but the line is busy.

Guest: Do you have change for a 5?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't have anything smaller than a 20 right now.
Guest: Can you change a 10?

Is there a charge for the Pay-Per-View movies?

Guest: Is room service still available?
Me: No, but I have a number for delivery if you'd like.
Guest: And will they deliver?

Guest: Will you call me a cab?
Me: Sure, it'll be 10 or 15 minutes.
Guest: And will they pick me up outside?

Guest: When I leave the hotel, are there stairs I can take?
Me: Yes, on either end of the hallway there are stairs that lead out.
Guest: And when I get back, do the stairs go up, too?

I'd like to inquire about your New Year's Eve Package. What date is that available for?

Guest: Where are the ice machines?
Me: Ice machines are on the even numbered floors by the elevators.
Guest: So that would be, like, 2, 4, 6...?

Guest: What time does the Airport Shuttle pick up?
Me: On the hour and the half-hour starting at 7:00 am.
Guest: So will there be one here at 9:00 am?

Guest: Do you have a restaurant at your hotel?
Me: Yes, sir.
Guest: And what times does it open?
Me: At 6:30 am.
Guest: And do they serve breakfast?
(((Anything they serve at 6:30 am is breakfast, sir)))

HERE IS A CONVERSATION I HAVE AT LEAST ONCE A NIGHT:
Guest: I'm having trouble calling out a local number on this phone.
Me: Ok, dial 9 first to get an outside line, then dial the area code and then the number.
Guest: O you have to dial the area code?
(((What did I just say?)))
Me: Yes.
Guest: Even if its a local call to 404?
Me: Yes.
Guest: But I'm in 404.
(((I know, you're right upstairs from me and I'm in the same area code.)))
Me: Yes, sir. It's ten-digit dialing in the metro area. Just dial 9 for an outside line, then dial the area code and then the number.
Guest: So I don't have to dial a one first?
(((That would be ten digits)))
Me: No, sir.
(((Actually this is most often a series of calls, because they think they "got it" and then try different things and then call me back)))